What I Had
by djlee6
Summary: An OPA26 Request...Shinigami-sama remembers his wife. How they met, how they married...how she died. (i cried writing this so hopefully it's okay)


an OPA26 request

sorry this took me so long to get to. it was a little difficult to think up something that didn't feel like a drag to write (not that i dont love stories that talk about Kid's mom or Lord Death's past, but i wanted to make it sound like they were characters we saw all the time and that was tricky to do. hopefully i pulled it off. if not, at least it was still fun to work on)

ooooooooooo

Shinigami-sama POV

I think I was spending way too much time in the Death Room, considering that now that Asura was actually dead rather than being held prisoner underneath the Academy. But I couldn't really keep myself from behaving the way I was.

I was reluctant to ever return to the Gallows Manor these days. And who could blame me? Kid was getting older and I would rather watch him becoming the man who would spend the rest of his life as I was now rather than intruding in on his life so suddenly and prevent it.

I know that I was-by all acounts-an okay father. It's not really that I ignored my son. I loved him very much and wasn't afraid to display any affection for him. It's just that I wished that I was like other fathers. I wanted to be there to live in the same house as he grew up in. I wanted to be the one to tuck him in at night or read him a story. I wanted to be the one to spend holidays with him and train him to become a Meister. I dunno...maybe it was a sensitive point for me because my father ignored me flat out before he died and I didn't want Kid to see me in that same light. And I know he doesn't, to which I'm grateful.

I don't think it sunk in that I had been a major influnce in his life until pretty recently. Within the last few months, I've watched him become more and more like me in a way that I never expected. I saw my younger self in the way he spoke and acted (aside from the OCD, of course). It made me happy...and I felt more like a normal father because of this simple fact alone.

And so I was watching him now, as I had been more and more. I didn't notice Stein and Spirit coming in as they did every afternoon.

"Hello, Shinigami-sama," Stein greeted, his deep voice breaking the silence that had been occupying the room all morning.

I didn't have a chance to do much other than turn to aknowledge the two of them before Spirit stepped onto the platform and peeked around me, seeing a glimpse of Kid with his girlfriend of the last several months Chrona.

He smiled at that. "Babysitting Kid on his date again, huh?"

"It's not babysitting if your not there," I pointed out. I don't care how immature that might've come off. It was true.

"Don't you think it's a little much?" Stein inquired, lighting up a cigarette. "I mean Kid might be a tad young still but he's responsible,"

"You misunderstand," I explained. "It's not that I'm worried about him or their relationship. It's just that...well...I'm proud,"

"Proud?" Spirit cocked his head in confusion.

"Yes, proud. I see a lot of my younger self in him,"

"How so?" Stein couldn't see it, but I smiled at his question. Always the curious one...

I turned back to the mirror, seeing Kid and Chrona walking through the park and laughing together over some little thing. "The way they are...It's just like how she and I were. Chrona is so much like his mother..."

So much like Lali...

oooooooooooo

I had just taken over the position of Shinigami-no-dana. I had given up my old life for the most part, exchanging my old samurai sword and pack of cigarettes for my new mask and black robe.

I took the position very seriously. I suppose in many ways, I was like those old Spartans. No mercy...It was a rule I took up in my youth, when I spent my days and nights roaming the streets taking what I wanted, doing what I wanted. No one trusted me with picking up their newspaper let alone being in charge of something. So when I took the role of Death, it was an honor I refused to take lightly. I lived up to what was expected of me. I killed witches, slayed any enemy I came across, and held order over countless Meisters and Weapons.

One day we had a routine job: killing a witch and shutting down her operation. That time it was some witch who was gradually gaining control over the numerous small towns along a coastline. When we got done with her, we went into her 'home' and destroyed every magical object there and released any prisoners we could find.

There was one, however, that wasn't awake. It seemed she had been so abused by the witch that she fought staying concious...close to giving up fighting off death. Bruises and cuts covered her entire form, as it did the others, but the room was decorated with layers of splattered blood, as though she'd been there for a long time.

What stood out to me most though...aside from her fair skin and lean form hidden under trashy and baggy clothes as though fashioned from old sheets...was her beautiful long hair that was such an alluring shade of blush pink...

oooo

We took her with us to be treated for any injury she might have. For some reason when we tried to leave her with the town's hospital, they refused to care for her. I was disgusted by the fact, but I couldn't leave her there. So she was under my care (so to speak...I wasn't treating her wounds, I was just the one who was there to give confirmation on what treatments were okay to use).

It was agood thing she was brought back with us, too. As it turned out, she not only had cuts and bruises. She had two fractured ribs, a broken ankle, and a sprained wrist. The tests also showed that she was under great stress. Whenever she did wake up, she seemed to be unable to comprehend what was happening. She didn't speak and her gaze was glazed over, as though she wasn't seeing anything. The doctor tried to get through to her by speaking to her and telling where she was and under what condition she was in but it was like she she was unable to hear anything. And when he touched her shoulder ever so gently to offer some comfort, she screamed.

I'll never forget that...That was the most devastating sound I had ever heard. The scream of absolute hopelessness and pain...And I wondered to myself time and time again what she had seen and what had happened to her to make her let out such an anguished sound.

oooo

Three months went by. I did my work as usual but everyday I went to go see her and talk to the doctor about her progress. When she turned to me, I removed my mask and allowed her to see my face so I could offer a reassuring smile. She would just watch me closely, her sad blue eyes never leaving my gaze, even when I placed my mask back over my face.

Though her expression was always blank, I felt comforted in the fact that she was unafraid of me.

However...I was also a little worried. Because that meant that she was one the few people I meant that was simply unafriad of Death himself. And normally the only people that are like that are ones that have seen something or endured something scarier than death.

oooo

Three weeks after her four month mark of being a resisdent in Death City's hospital, I went to see her as I did every day.

The doctor had been late, meeting with another patient. A four year old that broke his arm falling out of a tree.

It was the first time that I had really been aone with her, and I was unsure what to say. I kept looking at her from behind my mask, watching her gaze out the window with a somewhat peaceful expression.

And I had to break the silence between us. "Personally I like pine trees better than the ones here," I saw her fingers twitch and her form stiffen ever so slightly at being spoken to but she remained motioneless otherwise. I didn't know what to do other than keep talking so that's what I did. I think that was only person I used my actual voice for since I became a teenager. (Before I was Death, I was a bit of a delinquent...) "It's just...that no matter what time of the year it is, they're usually green. It's nice to see that despite there being death in the world, there's also life and rebirth. There's always...hope..."

It was silent for a while. I began to feel stupid at the fact that I releaved something like that. I thought for sure that she was supressing the urge to laugh at me. I almost left...

But I was broken from my thoughts by the most angelic sound I had ever heard.

"Do...Do you like...green?"

I turned back to her, removing my mask to show my quizical expression.

She blushed, ripping her eyes from my gaze. "You...You s-said you like...the pine t-trees so..."

I smiled. I had never met someone who was so genuinely curious about me. It made my chest flutter a bit. "Yeah...I like green. Green means life,"

"But you're Death, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I live just like everything else does at some point. Just because I have a role, doesn't mean it's all I am," I took a seat beside her bed, making her blush darken a little bit. "Just like you. You're a woman but it's not all you are, right?"

Her expression changed then from one of embarrassment to one of realization. Slowly and carefully she brought herself to a sitting position and smiled ever so sweetly at me. "Y-yeah..." She looked to her figeting hands, a charming smile and light dust of pink still gracing her lovely features, her bruiese having healed for the most part. "N-no one's ever said anything like that to me,"

I was extrordinarily happy that she was talking to me, but rather than rushing up and down the halls screaming "HA! SHE'S TALKING TO ME! MEEEEE!" like I wanted to do, I just stayed seated and continued talking to her normally. "Really? What kind of things do people normally say to you?"

She frowned, her expression becoming one of sadness as she brought her knees up to her chest. "No one ever really says anything to me," she confessed. "Nobody really likes me. Because of the things I've done,"

My intrest peaked. Maybe this was the reason why the townspeople refused to treat her injuries. "What things have you done?"

"I..." She buried her face in her arms, refusing to look at me. "I did whatever the witch told me to. For a long time...That's why all those people were there. It was because of me. But when I stopped doing what she said, she got mad at me and hurt me..."

I watched her carefully. I could feel her wavelength, weak as it still was, pulsating with grief and remorse. It made me want to pull her close to me and protect her. "...How did you end up with the witch?"

"My father..."

"Your father? Did he marry her?"

"No...he...sold me to her...because I'm a burden,"

This time I didn't hold myself back. I moved and pulled her close, holding her to my chest. I was relieved when rather than push me away, she leaned into the contact. It made me happy, even it led to her crying into my chest, her tears soaking into the fabric of my robe.

oooo

The next day, she perked up right when I came in. I removed my mask and smiled as I did everyday. Only this time, she smiled back, making my heart beat faster.

Regretfully, I had to speak to the doctor first. I was thankful it was good news at least. As it turned out, she had taken a major turn with her health and was looking better within the one night than she had in the four months. He also looked rather pleased to say that she was actually talking and communicating how she felt and how grateful she was to be in his care. I smiled to myself, deciding against boasting that it was thanks to me.

When I sat down to speak with her, he left the room and we chatted a little about little things. How she was feeling, how nice the weather was, how she was happy that she could have her window open that day and listen to the birds sing.

I just perched my chin in my palm and listened to her, letting a smile be openly displayed on my features. Once she was done talking, she blushed, having must have realized that she was being chatty today. "S-sorry..."

"I don't mind," I assured her. "I like hearing you talk. It's a lot better than when you didn't even like looking at people,"

She blushed, her fingers figetting a little before she spoke again. "Um...I was wondering..." she peeked up from her pink bangs that were cut straight across her forehead, looking very cute. "Before you were Shinigami-sama...d-did you have a name?"

I was a little surprised by the question. No one really bothered to ask me such things, even before I was the grim reaper. "Larry," I replied, the name feeling foriegn on my tounge.

"Larry," she repeated softly, making my name sound beautiful. "I...I like that..."

"What about you? You haven't told me you're name,"

Without hesitation, she replied. "Lali,"

"Lali? As in 'well-spoken'? Strange name for a quiet girl," I teased.

She laughed. Softly, but it was the first time I heard her laugh and I loved it. "Well, Larry doesn't strike fear in people, Mr. Reaper,"

It had been a long time since I laughed with someone like that.

oooo

At the six month mark, she was free to leave the hospital. That day I went to visit her and neither of us really knew what to say. I think we both knew what the other was thinking before we even said a word. I knew my expression was one of sadness and her own features showed clear evidence of dried tears as she tried blinking back the ones fighting to surface.

"...So...You're leaving," I didn't know what else to say.

She nodded in confirmation. "Y-yes,"

"...Where will you go? Surely not back to that town or to your father," If she returned there, she'd end up back in the same type of situation as she had been before. Maybe even worse.

"I...I don't know," she confessed. She turned her gaze to the ground, her hands moving against eachother in a nervous manner.

It was quiet for the longest time. It was almost still, save for the way her shoulders shook from her effort to contain her sobs.

My heart felt as though it was being ripped from my chest. Of course I didn't want to see her back in that hospital bed. Of course I was happy she was well after all this time. But...I didn't want to let her go.

Feeling my hands curl into fists and my body shake from desperation, I couldn't help myself. "You can't go!" It was the first time I raised my voice to her. I had my eyes clenched and my head towards the ground, unwilling to see if she would be furious with me for saying such a thing or not. "You just can't! I won't let you!" When she didn't respond, I continued. "I want you here, with me! I need to know your safe and I can't do that if you leave! Please stay!"

I didn't open my eyes when I felt her against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held onto her tightly, feeling an unmistakable wetness escape my own eyes. "Please...please don't leave...I need you," It came out in a whisper, not trusting my own voice.

I could barely feel her nod against my chest.

oooo

A year later, she was still residing in Gallows Manor. She had her own room, across from my own, but often times I figured there was no point in her having a bed in there because she always ended up sleeping beside me. Even on nights when I fell asleep alone, I awoke with her curled up to my side.

She seemed like she loved being there, and it was very obvious to everyone that I loved having her company. And it was simply because she was the type of person she was.

Not that I didn't love the little things she did for me. It always made color flood my cheeks when she cooked for me or had long conversations with me or showed up to greet me when I returned from missions with drinks and a snack. And I cherished the moments that we spent in the library, me reading to her as she leaned against my chest and listened intently, be it a story book about far away kingdoms or a history book discussing the ways of the soul.

One glorious year of this life and I knew that I never wanted to give her up.

So one night I came back from a mission early and went to the library, by our favorite spot with the blood red loveseat and the small surrounding tables. She came her everyday and I knew that once she got back from her errands she'd walk through the door asking if I'd read her a story.

So a decorated the entire area with red and white candles of all sizes and shapes and let them melt away onto the tables, creating a wonderous glow in the otherwise dark room.

Hearing her come in, I seated myself and watched as she stepped closer, taking in the look of awe and confusion on her face as she looked around. "L-Larry...what is all this?"

I didn't reply. Instead I patted the seat next to me.

Confused, she took the invitation sat down beside me, only to let out a small noise of surprise when I quickly shifted to kneel in front of her. "Lali...You know I care about you very much, don't you?"

"Of course," She replied, smiling. "I care about you, too,"

I smiled in return and continued. "But it's more than that. I care about you more than any friend I've ever had. Lali...since the day you were brought to Death City...I've never been able to get you off my mind. And the day you graced me with your voice...my heart nearly exploded with joy," She was blushing darkly by now but stayed quiet. "Lali, your more than a roommate. You're my friend. My best friend and the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with," I pulled a black velvet box from my pocket and opened it before her, revealing a silver band with a gold diamond cut to look like a rather comedic skull (the mask I wear now). "Will you marry me?"

Tears fell down her face and she beamed, throwing her arms around me. "Yes! Of course I will!"

oooo

It took a while before we actually engaged in a sexual relationship. It didn't take long after that for Lali to come up to me to greet me when I came homd from a mission.

She gave me a soft kiss, as she usually did but I quickly sensed that something was off. "Lali, honey, what's wrong?"

"I...uh..." Her eyes darted all about the room. "I went to the doctor because I felt sick today,"

I was alarmed at once. "Lali, then what are you doing up? Go up to bed! I'll bring you up some soup and-"

"I'm not sick,"

"...Then what's wrong?"

"I...I'm..." she mumbled the last part, making me quirk a brow.

"You're what?"

"I'm..." Again...it ended in a mutter.

"Lali, honey, I can't understand you,"

"Pregant!" She confessed. "They told me I'm pregnant!" She hid her face in her hands, as though she had some reason to be ashamed.

I couldn't help it. I laughed and pulled her close to me. "Oh, honey! That's wonderful!"

"...You're not mad?"

"Of course not!" I pulled back to smile at her. "This is wonderful! Now I'm going to be a husband and a dad! And with the woman I love as the mother! This is wonderful!"

She smiled brightly before pulling me close for another tight hug, obviously relieved.

oooo

Nine months later, Kid was born. I was a little surprised he had my stripes, but I was so proud that I was a daddy and that my son resembled me. Lali seemed to like it too, so happy to see he had the same hair as me. By the time we met, my lines were completed so when Kid's only went half-way she was a little confused. I had to explain to her that it was normal and that they'd be finished by the time he took my place as Shinigami-no-dana. I laughed at the way she huffed at that, saying that whether they were completed or not they were perfect because they were his.

I couldn't help but agree with her.

oooo

The bliss of having a family went on for three years before I had it ripped away from me.

I had gone home and she hadn't come to greet me as she usually did, Kid in her arms. It was quiet.

"Lali?"

When no answer came, I began to worry. I set my robe and mask which had been in my arms on the table in the hall before heading upstairs, thinking she was putting Kid down for a nap.

Going into the bedroom, I was horrified at the sight.

There on the ground was Lali, her throat cut and her blood pooling around her, her once beautiful blue eyes dull and her once soft looking cheeks that dusted with pink pale as snow.

She was dead.

My eyes drifted only a little further, seeing Kid sitting on the floor with his back to the gruesome scene and staring blankly at a stack of blocks...

set perfectly symmetrical.

"Kid?" My voice was weak, but he quickly turned to me, his blank expression quickly switched to one of grief as he screamed, tears flooding out of his eyes as he picked himself up and ran as fast as he could toward me before I picked him up into my arms and squeezed him tightly, crying silently to myself as I stroked his hair and said sweet nothings to him, thanking everything that at least he was alive.

It didn't take long to learn what happened. The witch that Lali had been sold to had a sister. When she discovered that I had ordered the witch be killed, the woman came and took Lali's life as revenge.

ooooooooooooooooo

"Shinigami-sama?"

I snapped from my thoughts and turned to Stein, who had a concerned look on his face.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You...seemed to be in your own world. Are you alright?"

He couldn't see it, but I smiled. "Yes, I'm fine," I looked back to the mirror, seeing Kid and Chrona sitting together on a park bench talking about nothing in particular. "I'm fine..."

After all, I have him.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo

omg i cried writing this...

*sigh* hope u guys like it

plz review


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